The Cleaning Monster

I knew this day was coming. I was just recounting to the Zaccarelli girls last night that my Mom really hadn't tortured me at all in a week and how truly shocked I was by this. But up until today, most of my tasks had focused around the kitchen - a place where I'd gladly stay all day every day. Since Mom came home on Wednesday, I've been preparing meals and running errands. Yesterday around 4pm, I finally was able to sit down and try to get some work done...you know, for my job. I forgot I had one, too, for a few days there (and because I do love it, I missed my Lab Manual project and Course Development Proposal).

Armed with my Wawa coffee, I was able to be productive on the job front yesterday. I knew, despite the debauchery that was sure to go down last night with the Zaccarellis, that I would make every effort to get up at a decent time and get some work done. Thanks to my Dad, I had to rise and shine at 6:30am.

Let's go back a day: Yesterday at 6am, Dad woke me up to ask where Mom's meds were (in the kitchen, where she took them); 6:05am, "When is she supposed to take them?" (Now, if she wants to eat dairy in 2 hours due to the actions of one antibiotic). 6:15am, "STEPHANIE, I NEED YOUR HELP!!!" Dad called from the bathroom. I found him on the floor sitting cross-legged (63-year old men should not sit cross-legged on the floor) trying to fix the gasket on the bottom of the glass door. He wanted me to hold the gasket in place...it wasn't working out for him. After a solid 20-25 minutes of this, he decided screw it, and he'd go on with his shower. He proceeded to pull the shower fixture out of it's holding place (the thing that turns the water on and off).

This led to me attempting to fix both things around 7am, then deciding that I would super-glue the gasket and talk to someone at Home Depot about the shower fixture thing.

Needless to say, it was an early morning yesterday, a late night last night (but a lot of fun), and then again an early morning today. So luckily today, thus far, nothing has gotten broken but it's still early.

This morning, I made Mom's breakfast around 9am. Then she announced that I would get to dust and vacuum today (yay!). Additionally, I'd also get to clean the bathrooms (another yay!). I'll make this disclaimer - I, in no way, shape or form, clean my entire house at one time. My Mom on the other hand is a NEAT FREAK in every sense of the word. She dusts things with no dust on them (twice!), vacuums spaces with multiple devices (Dirt Devils and Sharks...), and is just all around crazy when it comes to cleanliness.

I do a few rooms on one day, a few rooms on another (and yes, it helps that we don't have a ton of furniture). I am talented with a vacuum given the amount of dog hair I deal with on a daily basis. But when Mom is sitting in a chair going ,"No...I can still see some dust" and I'm going over and over a portion of furniture or the floor screaming, "THERE'S NOTHING THERE! I GOT IT ALREADY!", a person gets pushed to the limit of wanting to fill the Vicodin prescription to dose either herself or the patient (decaf coffee with a kick, Mom?)!

I've vacuumed all rooms at this point, went over crevices with a broom and dustpan (for any stray dog or cat hair), and dusted my Dad's office and parents' room. My parents' room was the kicker when Mom announced I'd have to move all her perfume bottles to clean the glass mirror thing they're situated on (the picture is on Facebook). I got to do this while my Mom chatted on the phone with her friends. My God, it's like my Mom is me when I was 13 and sitting in a pile of clothes on the floor with my phone while she attempted to clean around me.

After that fiasco, I'm spent. It's time for a nap, then Lab Manual work and I'd like to try to put myself together a little bit for Bryan's arrival tonight (my husband...remember him?!).

The bathrooms will have to wait...

Release!

Given the track record the hospital's had the last few days in terms of attentiveness and things being done on time (aside from the surgery which was handled impeccably), I didn't expect Mom to be released from the hospital before noontime. During the hours post-surgery and all of yesterday, it made me feel better to sit with Mom, even if it meant we weren't filling the hours with chatting (we did plenty of that, but 10-hour shifts of sitting with someone eventually leaves you with not much to talk about).

After a semi-healthy meal with Dad at Ruby Tuesday last night (yet, still followed by dessert...), I decided I needed to move this morning. I had taken Maggie for a walk last night - a short one, at that, only about 25 minutes with lots of stopping to sniff things in between - and going from a 6-day a week workout schedule and overall healthy diet to not moving much and eating ice cream with virtually every meal, I thought another walk this morning would be well-received by my immobile body.

Luckily, this morning was absolutely beautiful and I was inspired to eat a nice, healthy breakfast then get myself over to the hospital by about 9:30am. Mom had put in her request last night that her curling iron be brought to the hospital today. Still, I had no expectation of a short day at the hospital when I arrived this morning.

Surprisingly, I found Mom up on her feet. She mentioned that she had gotten washed up and wanted to get into her own clothes (rather than the sexy hospital gowns), curl her hair, and then we could go.

Things went quickly from there. Once Mom was ready, the nurses brought the discharge paperwork and we were off! I insisted on dropping Mom off before running errands given I didn't know how much time or effort it was going to take to get her in the house. "I can take the stairs", Mom said. And did she! I grew up always holding onto my grandmothers as they went up or down stairs. My Mom was practically skipping up the stairs!

It's glaringly obvious that the two things she needs to avoid are 1.) bending over in a sudden movement (I don't like her bending over at all, since it increases the pressure in the abdomen) and 2.) heavy lifting.

The first priority was a full shower, complete with washing her hair (she hadn't gotten to wash her hair at the hospital). Then she put on one of the pretty nightgowns we bought for the occasion and got into bed for an attempted nap. I say "attempted" because it turned into her asking me "How do you feel?" "How do I feel? I didn't just have surgery!"

A short while later, after we both got a little rest (I like this whole napping-when-Mom-naps thing!), we ate lunch. Thank gosh Mom eats nothing but vegetables, protein, and brown rice for lunch! I finally didn't chase my veggies with chocolate (I can not take feeling gross when I eat too much junk food on consecutive days).

A few notes on my running around today: 1.) The nurse gave Mom a prescription for Vicodin. "I don't want it," Mom told her. "Well, take it, if you're having pain, have it filled." I could've totally pirated Mom's morphine supply, percocet, and vicodin to pay for my gas on the way back to Georgia. Darn it. Either that, or I would've been the most popular person at an upcoming party...not that I make a habit of hanging out with college kids...

2.) I apparently have to make myself presentable to go to grocery stores around here. This is a bummer since I can look like a slob in my country town and no one cares. Here, all I do is run into ex-boyfriends and former co-workers. Sheesh!

3.) I want to bring Giant to Atlanta. It's Whole Foods without the INSANE prices!!! I'm filling my car with granola before heading back in a week and a half.

Now I get to play with what I want to make for dinner every night! Up first: I'm cooking Salmon in parchment with lemon slices, black olives, shallots, and fresh parsley; on the side: brown rice (for Dad and I; I didn't eat any today with Mom at lunch) and roasted veggies. I plan on a post-dinner walk/run if it's cool enough or at the very least, some chasing of Maggie around the backyard. Cheers to the patient!

The best part of waking up

When I got back to the hospital last night, Mom greeted me by promptly asking, "Didn't you stop at Wawa?" "Mom, you can't have coffee tonight, I'm sorry." "I just wanted to SNIFF it!!!" she said. Honestly, I thought about bringing some just in case they allowed it, but I figured if they said no, it'd torture her to have it sitting right there.

This morning, Mom was reunited with her precious decaf coffee. Alleluia!!!

I arrived just after 8am this morning and Mom was feeling good. I'm happy to report that she's sitting up right now in a chair (yes, she's out of bed!) and chatting on the phone to my Dad who is having his first day filling in for her at work. I have a feeling we're going to be taking this assignment to Skype by the end of the week so Mom can actually point to things around her office (my Mom's organization system needs to be navigated by no one but herself, normally).

I am camping out for the day at the hospital. I even brought my lunch with me today (leftover pizza from the Dairy Cottage last night...yumm....). But I am suffering from significant procrastination as I have plenty of work to do, but I keep just sitting her chatting with Mom.

So that's the latest - things are great and she is expected to be released tomorrow! The morphine has been taken away, and Mom refused the offer of Percocet. Her explanation to the nurse was, "It makes me feel like I'm sailing, I took it once. I prefer to be coherent". The nurse was as perplexed as I was but didn't push the issue. We figure if she's in pain, she'll let us know. Mainly, she is reporting discomfort and soreness at the site of the incision. But otherwise, she feels completely fine and wants to take a spin around the hallway later.

There will be a test this afternoon where they will fill her bladder with sterile water, then check her ability to pee it out. Good times. There's plenty of other fun stuff going on...but I'll keep some of it to myself. Time for me to get some work done...

Priorities, people, priorities!!!

Around 12:15pm, Dr. Kane came to let us know that everything was finished and went fantastically. I've never had a parent or immediate family member in the hospital quite like this before, so this was my first experience in trying to read the Dr.'s face as she came towards us. My first thought is, "Why is she down here so early...she's smiling!" A doctor wouldn't smile big at you if something had gone terribly wrong, right? Needless to say, a surgery we thought could take on the shorter side 5 hours and up to 6 ended up taking 4! (I'm starting to think Dr.'s just prepare you for the worst, though).

I can't help but wonder what people thought listening to my father and I converse about:

a.) Whether all atoms are elements; and all elements atoms (Dad doesn't like the absoluteness of the statement);

b.) Einstein having lots and lots of women in his day (Science was seriously a heck of a lot sexier to the general public back then!)

c.) Why the public is not more outraged over the current state of the U.S. Space program

d.) my Dad sending his first text message...possibly ever and

e.) was it the bowel getting attached to the spine? the vagina? I thought it was the bladder?

We had to wait about another hour before they moved Mom into the room in which she'll reside for another 2-4 days. I was fully expecting her to be fast asleep. Instead she came in holding up a thingamajig with a button. "Mom, is that Morphine?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "Kickass!" I replied. I think whenever it is socially acceptable for you to dose yourself with morphine, you should definitely do so. I've never had morphine, but I bet it feels awesome. I don't necessarily want to be in a situation in which I need it, but if I am, you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be pressing the button!!! (I was, however, wanting a double-check from the nurses that the thing was rigged correctly so Mom couldn't overdose herself...that was my only concern, but given that she didn't want to use it at all, I'm not too nervous about this).

Mom was wide awake (but sounded kinda funny) and wanted to chat about everything she remembered. Then the nurse came in to introduce herself. I don't know if Mom thought she was a waitress or not (blame the drugs), but she immediately ordered a coffee. "I think you're still going to be on only clears" the nurse said. "Decaf!" my Mom said. The nurse said, "Well, I was going to make coffee at 3 o'clock...I can see if I can bring you some". That was the WRONG thing to tell my mother. At this point it was 2:30, Mom stared at the clock as it approached 3...

We, of course, were able to get her ice chips and water with no problems. So it was only logical that my Mom questioned whether the hospital has coffee-flavored ice chips. I like my Mom on drugs, it's funny!

Needless to say, as of 3:30 when I left to come home to attend to Maggie, Mom hadn't gotten any coffee yet. And yes, she did remind me, my father, and Aunt Claire that the nurse was making coffee at 3. I'm expecting that this resulted in a "You Said!" conversation shortly after I left.

Maggie and I have had 40 solid minutes of Mommy-Doggie time, so I'm going to head back to the hospital (in rush hour traffic, yay!) to hang out until they kick us out. I am super-exhausted, but grateful that Mom's surgery went off without a hitch. Sleep should come easily tonight, much more so than last night when I tossed and turned for what felt like the entire night. Although I think it's weird that Mom will be at the hospital and I'll be at home. I don't think I like that. I'll have to remind her that she's got the morphine...

Day Zero

My trip up to Springfield was actually one of the best road trips I've had. I'm attributing it to the fact that I am mellowing out in my old age and a particular furry friend that acted as my co-pilot (answers to the name "Maggie"). I always tell myself, "Take it slow, don't rush, safety first", but in the end as I approach either my mid-way stopping point - Tami's place in Fayetteville, NC - or my parents house, I always end up speeding up towards the end because I just want to get there already! This time, I really did just take my time and enjoyed the ride. I started things off Wednesday around 9:30am with a little Dane Cook in the car. I've listened to all of his CDs many times, but they always crack me up! I think listening to someone talk tricks me into thinking I'm having actual human interaction. It at least prolongs the amount of time that it takes before I start having conversation with Maggie (in my defense, I only read Maggie's facial expressions, I don't actually think that she's answering me back).

By mid-afternoon, I had a bit of an adventure. My directions to Tami's were taking me down a new route - 74 East to be exact. I had no clue what to expect so I wanted to get gas, grab some lunch, and walk Mags before getting off of 85 North. I took an exit that looked like it was happening - signs indicated the promise of gas, grub, and potty! Um...not so much. I arrived at a gas station that had some sort of interesting outhouse to it (that was NOT happening) and couldn't find any kind of fast food to save my life (yes, I do eat fast food on road trips, I can't help myself!). Back in the car, I went...

The next exit had LOTS of choices...for sit-down restaurants...IHOP, Ruby Tuesday, Olive Garden...it was at this point I started asking Maggie to keep her eyes peeled for some golden arches! No dice.

The third exit was just right - a Chick-fil-A!!!! So Maggie and I shared waffle fries, a milkshake, and we were happy (only I was lucky enough to eat the spicy chicken!). But really, three exits???

I took the exit for 74 East and was greeted by...gas stations, fast food restaurants, supermarkets, convenience stores...ok, someone should have just waited.

Needless to say after going through Charlotte, 74 turned into exactly what I thought it would be - a 35 m.p.h. speed limit every 10 miles or so and cows to either side of me. Overall, a beautiful ride, though!

I arrived at Tami's in time to get to visit with her son, Elijah, before his Dad came to pick him up. Then Tami and I were unleashed on downtown Fayetteville...wild times! The night concluded with us dancing in a bar to Mystikal songs circa 2001 with about 6 other people and country karaoke mixed in (seriously!).

Thursday, I had for the first time EVER, a traffic-free drive through Richmond, Washington, D.C., and Maryland. The drive is much easier in terms of resources on 95 anyways, although most times not as smooth and picturesque.

Friday, my Dad threw a small surprise party for Mom's 60th birthday. Her actual birthday is August 19th, but due to her upcoming surgery and subsequent estimated 6-week recovery time, we decided to celebrate beforehand.

Mom lived it up over the weekend until Sunday when after lunch she was allowed nothing more to eat and had to drink this terrible-looking magnesium citrate solution. (Dad believes that my Mom is the only person in the world that thought this stuff tasted "not bad, like cherry soda".)

I wasn't sure what to expect after Mom consumed the two bottles she was assigned, but the expectations I did have came nowhere NEAR fruition which was a good thing for my Mom and everyone else in the house. I was worried I was going to be listening to my Mom screaming in agony all night and instead, she was her completely normal self, "I should really dust". "Uh, you should really sit down and let me clean..." (And no, that is not something I normally say).

So today is Day Zero - as of right now (almost 10am), Mom has been in surgery for just under 2 hours. Here are the gory details for anyone who doesn't know what's going on (she is shockingly open about what's going on with the surgery) - and just a note, if you're eating right now or just ate....maybe save this part for later. If you forego my warning, don't say I didn't tell you so.

The first part of it is she is having a hysterectomy. In addition to that, she is having her bladder attached to a ligament that originates at the spinal cord (I didn't get the specifics of which ligament, but most doctors assume the patient's family doesn't want to know...this is an incorrect assumption when it comes to me). Finally, there may be some damage on the inner wall of the abdomen from the collapse of the bladder and uterus (which is called prolapse), and if so, the doctor will repair this also.

Are you cringing yet?

In total, this will take about 6 hours of surgery. Mom was actually somewhat looking forward to it as this will greatly improve her quality of life. I also think that Dad describing the effects of the anti-anxiety drugs prior to the general anesthesia was somewhat appealing. Heck, I think I want some (minus my brother's weird dreams about Steve Carrell the one time he was put under)!

That's about it for now, but I will update the blog and my Facebook as the day rolls along for anyone who is interested. I'll be home for 2 more weeks as to help Mom with recovering and Dad with the general things that need to be done around the house since he will be working at Mom's office while she is out. Thanks to all for the well wishes and prayers! Please keep thinking of Mom as the day continues!