Apathy

I starting dating someone about six and a half years ago who I thought the world literally revolved around. I thought he was intelligent, funny, and handsome. But the relationship was a roller-coaster. When things were good, they were really good; but when they were bad, it felt like my entire life was falling apart. Normally, my demeanor when I’m upset is to just simply express my feelings and talk to my significant other if there’s conflict. But he never really wanted to acknowledge conflict. In fact, the conflict and our relationship as a whole didn’t really seem to matter to him. Our dates and times together used to end with me feeling emotionally numb, used, and insignificant. I hung in there (off-again, on-again) for almost three years!

This morning, as Bryan and I were eating breakfast he asked whether I thought The Big E would take me out to lunch today since it was my last day. “Nah, I don’t think so,” I told him. He responded, “But you’ve worked for him for 7 years!”

Interestingly, today as I drove down to my final meeting as a member of The Big E’s lab, I was oddly excited. I’ve been experiencing all kinds of conflicting feelings regarding the end of my 7-year “career”, but driving in this morning, I couldn’t help but just be happy for the end of this chapter. I was looking forward to the meeting and the official ending.

I knew Mary was not going to be at the meeting today since she’s on vacation. I’ll see her probably next week or at the very least for her birthday in a few weeks. But imagine my surprise when I arrived at work to find out that The Big E had done something beyond taking me out to lunch in celebration of my last day and 7 years of service.

He had cancelled the meeting altogether.

He had informed the other two members of the lab that there would be no meeting this week, but neglected to tell me. Oops. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

That’s apathy for you.

So I drove home shortly thereafter in the same stoic state in which I spent the past 7 years. A quiet, unblinking ride home.

I decided to go some place that makes me happy. Michael’s. And it definitely worked. Of course I also returned home to get hundreds of kisses from a very excited Maggie, which also always makes me feel better.

So it’s over. I stayed in the aforementioned relationship with that particular “boyfriend” for entirely too long. And I basically feel like I stayed in my “relationship” as a member of the lab for too long. I learned a lot scientifically through the past 7 years, and of course, I did make friendships in the lab (Mary and Bridesmaid Tami!). I don’t regret moving to Atlanta for the opportunity to be at Georgia State as I met some amazing fellow students and professors, but it would’ve been nice from time to time to receive some acknowledgement or reinforcement regarding a job well done from The Big E himself.

Anyways, I had been thinking about this blog all day long. I don’t want to talk or think about the last seven years of my life anymore due to the fact that, career-wise, they’ve essentially been a waste. I have lots of technical skills that no one in the actual hiring world seems to think are worth a shred of anything. Fabulous.

If I’m not going to receive extrinsic reinforcement, I’m at least going to do something for myself: A nice Indian-inspired dinner and some wine awaits me. Oh, and I also bought some cardstock at Michael’s so I can play with formatting place cards. I will be blogging about wedding details and our fantastic New York trip tomorrow, I promise!!!